I love you, and...

"She grew up on the side of the road 
where church bells ring and strong love grows...
Steady as a preacher, free as a weed, 
couldn't wait to get going but wasn't quite ready to leave... 
There's a wild, wild whisper blowing in the wind, 
calling out my name like a long-lost friend..."
-Cary Barlowe, Hillary Lindsey and Shane Stevens 
(Lady Antebellum) American Honey, released January 11, 2010
----------


She has the wind as a witness, she has feelings that fly by night
She believes in forgiveness, but it's not love if it holds too tight

And you can fly beside her, but you gotta go where your heart says go
She lets the bright lights guide her, through the rain and the drivin' snow
Where she comes from she don't know

She's a child of the wild blue yonder flying out of here
She's a child of the wild blue yonder, born in an angel's tear

If you see her falling that's just a little trick she does
She makes a dive for the pain that's calling, 
then heads for the clouds like a little dove

She can't help her laughing, she can't stop your crying days
Sometimes it hurts to be having, to hold on a love that 
surely must fly away

Medicine woman raised her, Spirit father praised her 
Through their love she was set free.
From a baby kicking and screaming 
to a full blood woman dreaming
With the power just to be

- John Hiatt
Child of the Wild Blue Yonder, released 1990
----------

I love you, and...

There's a voice calling me, it whispers and shouts and sings and cries to me that my life is OUT THERE in a great big world of possibility, and that time is not standing still.  It is my voice.  I am ready to press forward and live every moment to it's fullest for the rest  of my life.

In the interest of strengthening us, and giving you time to get your bearings, I've slowed my pace to a stroll.

by laurenmanning on Flickr

And I love strolling with you.  I want to support you in your journey, to share your discoveries, to laugh and cry and hold your hand.

I think your journey is incredible. It has moments of breathtaking beauty.  I am amazed every day by both it, and the fact you want to keep sharing it with me.

And I want to.

I love you...

And.

(by Zachd1_618 on flickr)

I'm struggling.  

I am who I am.  In the world of  "wolf-pack" mentality, I am a leader, an alpha.  I am not a follower, not mild mannered, not content to let someone set the pace.  I want to be the lead dog, racing through the arctic wilderness, living the adventure.

I love you. I love your road, I love to stroll it with you...

And.

I long for the challenge of scaling the rocks and cliffs that make up my own journey.  

My own life.  My own direction. My own pace.

I hear it calling me, and every day I make it promises.

Soon the time will be right.
Soon I will be free.
Soon.

If I've learned anything from Cesar Millan, it's this:  Alpha dogs who are made to follow are unhappy.  Beta dogs who are forced to assume the alpha role, are stressed and unhappy.  Each resents not being able to take the place that fits them.  These are the dogs that growl and bite and misbehave.

I have been swallowing resentment in small doses.  I chose to stroll your road with you, to let you set the pace, to strengthen our relationship. I don't regret that choice, but I can feel my own stress and unhappiness.  I can see myself growling, biting and misbehaving.

I love you, And.

My journey is calling me.  I need to climb the cliffs, to run ahead.  I also need to come back to your road, and stroll a while, to share your journey, and my excitement  over my own.  I need to talk about how to find my way, and how to support you as you find yours.

I love you.

And, it's time.

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