Maybe kissing is sort of like nature's coffee.Scott Westerfeld, Midnighters: Blue Noon, 2005
“I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now.”
― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.
-- T. S. Eliot
-- T. S. Eliot
― Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.
“Coffee and love taste best when hot”
― African Proverb
― Barbara A. Daniels
Dragonfly Girl drinks tea. I love tea, I drink it when I’m writing, or when I’m at work and it’s cold, and the coffee in the pot is old enough to become bitter... but in the morning, I love a slightly sweet, very creamy cup of coffee. There’s something about sunrise that tea just can’t handle, for me. Coffee is my morning friend.
But this post isn’t about coffee...it’s about love.
I am in love with a beautiful woman -- and she loves me.
I confess, I just spent a few minutes staring at that sentence. I never expected to find myself writing those words. Although I’m attracted to curves and softness and... yeah... I am...I didn’t set out with some agenda to dabble in the fairer sex or to find a relationship with a woman. I definitely didn’t plan to seduce or be seduced by the woman who loves my Sir... I didn’t plan at all outside of planning to know and support her relationship with him as if it were my own. I know neither of us planned beyond that. We simply trusted --- and love happened.
I’ve been quiet for a few months when it comes to blogging, unable to write. Work has been busy; family life has been crazy; my cup of love has been spilling over -- down my blouse, onto the sofa and the carpet --- staining my life with rich, deep color.
Perhaps I should take a few minutes to explain the details:
In short, Husband and I are well, happy and healthy. We celebrate 18 years of marriage this month. Shepherd and I are happy and healthy too. We celebrated two years last June. Dragonfly Girl and I have been happily exploring our relationship slowly, letting it unfold on its own, since last February. Also, she, Shepherd and I are discovering the joys of an “equilateral polyamorous triad” relationship.
Wow, those are loaded words. Let me offer a definition: “[A]n equilateral polyamorous triad means a total relationship -- social, emotional and sexual -- between all three partners in that triad relationship.” (source) I’m not gonna linger long on this subject, because that’s not the point of this post, but since I haven’t written in a while, I think it’s important to clarify. I am a poly girl in four different “primary” relationships with three people:
1. Ephemera and Husband (committed, forever partnership)
2. Ephemera and Shepherd (committed, forever partnership)
3. Ephemera and Dragonfly Girl (committed, forever partnership)
4. Ephemera / Shepherd / Dragonfly Girl (committed, forever, triad partnership)
In my life, each of these partners and each of our relationships is vital. No other relationships come before them. I love deeply, fully, and daily -- and my full energy goes into each, and in those terms, there are no secondary relationships in my heart or life. Yes, I am the crazy girl who fell in love with two people who live a whole state away. But we work really hard to make it work, and it’s worth it.
Detailed explanation addressed.
Now back to the coffee.
I first met Dragonfly Girl in a coffee shop. I believe she had tea. Shepherd introduced me to her shortly after they started dating, saying she might be someone really important in his life, and since we are openly poly, of course, he would like us to meet. I was nervous. It wasn’t easy. To be honest, I was afraid that since Sir had finally found a girl who lived nearby, he wouldn’t need one who lived 251 miles away. I could tell by his smile when he spoke of her that he was so very in love, and I was really feeling the distance. All my insecurities were running rampant. I will tell you this, as I sat down to breakfast with the two of them that morning, I was struck by two things. She has the most amazing smile, it lights up a room! She was gracious and genuine and sweet. and the only word that I could think of, both watching her with him, and each time she included me in the conversation, was that love spilled out of this woman in such great quantities there was no way the world around her couldn’t see it.
Several months later, at the height of a very difficult transition in our lives, Dragonfly Girl came to my home town to visit family. She took time out during that weekend to meet me for coffee and we talked for hours. She was incredible, beautiful and accepting. She shared with me about how important family was in her life, and how she needed me to be a part of her family forever. She had been defending me and lovingly standing up for me for weeks, against someone who wanted me to be ejected and excluded from Shepherd’s life. She insisted, on my behalf, that people are not interchangeable parts. Sitting there in that coffee shop, I was reminded again of what I’d seen months before in spite of my fear and insecurity. This beautiful woman was the real deal --- she lived love.
And she loves me.
Last month, I spent a weekend with my Dragonfly Girl, just the two of us. She met me at the airport looking so incredibly beautiful I couldn’t breathe. She’d dressed up just for me. I don’t know why but that thought makes me teary-eyed. She took me to dinner, a real Friday night-date, and we talked non-stop, holding hands across that table, sharing our hearts and our lives with each other. Sometimes I close my eyes and I’m right there again. The conversation continued, in the car on the way home... back in the cottage where we curled up in her bed and whispered into the night, kissing shyly. Both of us were sharing our hearts, speaking words of love and reassurance the other needed to hear. We talked until she fell asleep, and I laid there watching her smile in her dreams. It was amazing.
The next morning, she made me coffee.
She made a delicious breakfast, and we talked and talked and talked. We’d planned to go to the spa, and the balloon festival, and we didn’t even get out of our pajamas. We just poured our hearts into each other, and then later we ordered pizza, and laughed and cried and talked, and held hands, and kissed and talked... until we fell asleep again.
The next morning, she made me coffee.
Since it was Sunday, we did get dressed. We met Shepherd for church, and then brunch, and then dragged him back to the cottage to cuddle and talk some more... and before the day was done, they both made love to me. It was a perfect day. Shepherd left us alone that evening, and went back to his condo so she and I could have some time. After some more heart-sharing and cuddles, I fell asleep in Dragonfly Girl’s arms, with happy tears on my cheeks. For a poet girl, that’s pretty close to heaven. My flight was too-awful-early on Monday morning, and she didn’t mind driving me to the airport.
--- after she made me coffee.
Leaving was as hard as it’s ever been. But I made the most of every moment, and didn’t cry too much until I was alone at the gate. I flew home, drove straight to work, and headed in to my desk. On the way in I passed by the kitchen, as I always do, and I could smell the coffee in the pot. The aroma made me smile --- because she loves me with coffee.
Follow your hearts, and keep your feet, Travelers!