He has been a sounding board. He has listened as I cried, offered reassurance, told me I am not alone. He has the heart of a knight, and somehow I have found in him, a dear friend. He asked me yesterday to do him a favor, to write a love letter to myself. I laughed. Then I sobered. I was not sure I wanted this task. But I agreed. I figured I could at least tell myself to hang in there, and I’d get through the stress and pain on my own, Positive speak. I sat looking at the blank page for a while last night, and then just began by asking myself what I wanted to hear. By the time I got to the fourth paragraph, I knew I could not write everything I needed to. I was emotionally drained, and could not see past my own tears. I will be visiting this assignment again. I don’t know how he knew what I needed. But as I read the letter aloud to him last night, I finally cried out some of that emotion that’s been threatening to drown me. It is a deep river in me, and I know I’ve only skimmed the surface, but it is a beginning. Thank you, to my knight friend, for caring enough to walk this road with me a while. Your gift yesterday was priceless.
I know sometimes you feel two steps behind, like you can’t get your footing, no matter how hard you work. I’ve heard you complain about feeling too deeply, too intensely, being too complicated. I have heard you, and I want you to know, I disagree. I love you, and there are many reasons why.
You are emotional, it’s true. You feel things deeply, and logic does not always win out with you. This is something to celebrate, not suppress. This emotion is what defines you. It is your strength. It is the passion that fuels your love, and your poetry. I love your emotion.
You love deeply, and sometimes it hurts. Love anyway. "Never regret love. No matter how blind, it improves your world view. No matter how foolish, it makes you wiser. And no matter how generous, it makes you more." If you can say you loved to your fullest extent, no matter if that lover leaves you, the love does not fail. It hurts, but you are truly you when you love this way. I love the way you love so deeply.
You are generous, and sometimes people take that for granted. Give anyway. There is in you a gift, a skill of giving, of making others feel safe to be vulnerable. You are generous with your weaknesses, your struggles, as well as your revelations and your joys. You give. Keep giving, and do not worry how people take or do not take. You make room for good to come to you by giving, I love your generosity.
I want you to know that I see you. When you are hurt and wounded, when you wish you had everything solved and did not feel weak, I see you. I see the beauty in your brokenness, in your weakness, I love you as you are, especially your flaws. I will not sit by and watch you kill them off one by one until you are boring and plain.